Posts Tagged Work

Work has been rough. And it’s more to do with my current attitude towards work than any other factor.

I’m tired and annoyed at it. It’s not what I wanted it to be nor envisioned. The work I’m doing… to me, they are meaningless and just “busy work”, with no real impact on people’s lives. Just self-promotion… but then again, I’m in corporate communications, so it’s basically just that.

Maybe I’m becoming disillusioned… or reality is setting in? Maybe this is the process every new job entrant faces? I’ve gotten sick and tired of my work… and it’s beginning to show. Not a good thing. I have to beg the Lord for better control, a change of attitude, and a not so critical heart.

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07January2009

Work Woes… Again

Maybe I’m being a whiney, ungrateful brat. I have a job and in this economic disaster, I should be glad I have financial security. And I am, at least when I remind myself of that fact.

But earning money hasn’t never really been my motivation to work (but having $$ is nice, I won’t deny). I work because I enjoy it, it challenges me and I learn and grow. That’s my joy in working.

And this job holds no more joy for me. The office politics and environment have changed dramatically since I first joined a year ago. Outside forces and internal management shifts have created an atmosphere that is stifling to work in. Everyday, I feel like I’m in a 4 x 4 brick box, and that’s all I can do in my work. Nothing creative, nothing adventurous, pointless.

I’ve become what I’ve dreaded: A paper-pushing, do-as-bosses-tell-me-to-do civil servant robot. And that is terrifying.

My “fun” projects are either cut or put on the backburner because of cost cuts and conservative, traditional bosses. All I’m doing now are pointless paper-pushing and anything I can get my hands on… which is barely enough to fill up an hour, much less a day. And of course I can’t use that empty time to do other things for myself, like read the newspapers, etc. because others gossip and spread comments like “She’s very free! No need to work ah.”

Sigh… my mom keeps reminding me to be grateful and that this is a God-given situation to teach me patience and other life lessons. I get that mentally. Tell that to my depressed spirit and heart.

Meaningless work is just that, meaningless. And a whole waste of precious time.

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14October2008

Working the Ground

Today was a long day, especially surviving for over 14 hours with only 3.5 hours of sleep. But it was insightful. In the evening, we went to the Buona Vista for a “Meet the MP Session”. (For non-Singaporeans or Singaporeans living under a rock, that is a weekly time where residents in constituencies get to air their complains, grievance, ask for help from their elected Minister.) It’s also called grassroots outreach, or “listening to the ground”. In this case, the Minister was Mr Lim Swee Say.

The first thing that striked me was the same thought I get everything I see a Singapore politician. They look so much older and tired than their pictures. And more white hairs. That is the most telling evidence that their job is super stressful and takes a major toil on them.

The second thing that made an impression was seeing and interacting with some of the residents in the area. That area has some of the poorest of Singaporeans, whom I know in theory exists, but seeing it first hand is jarring. These Singaporeans have to worry about survival of themselves and their families. Basic needs like food, water, education, utilities, etc have not been met.

The third thing that stayed in my mind was how each volunteer officer would painstakingly write down every single worry and request by the residents in a letter to be sent out to various government agencies and agencies. Then, Minister Lim would come, talk to every single resident and also edit and write the letter, which will later be typed up and personally signed by Minister. I’m impressed. I get annoyed just having to write anything more than 1/4 of a page.

Overall, the visit was a good one. Saw a side of Singapore that is seldom revealed. Makes me appreciate what I have right now, which also includes the nice iMac that I am writing this post on. And my cosy bed. And my Snowy. And And And… ok, list too long. I’m just thankful for everything.

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10October2008

Human Challenges

I had hoped that I would have some lull periods for a while longer, or that adversity wouldn’t hit it… YAH RIGHT! That is pure wistful thinking.

Things have been unfolding and the biggest challenge that is facing me right now is PEOPLE. I guess for me, it’s always been a hard thing to deal with, since I am a highly emotional person.

I generally trust people when I first meet them (a bit naive) and generally expect them to be the same (very naive). So when someone shows their true colours (in a not so positive way) towards me, I get shocked and hurt.

I know I shouldn’t take things personally, but I generally can’t help feeling betrayed or deceived. The world has always said to expect the worst of people, and I guess if I follow that, than these hurts won’t happen as much as I would expect that of others. But I refuse to always think badly of people, unless they prove it to me. That’s the optimist part of me. Always trusting that others will behave with integrity and fairness.

Blah.

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09October2008

New Media Frontiers

In the previous 2 days of my course, there’s been a growing emphasis and dialogue on the growing trend of “New Media” and how the Singapore Government has to adapt and learn to use these new tools to stay current.

While I think that the Government is still wayyyyyy behind in the New Media frontier, I am glad of the growing interest and study on this. I’ve always believed that if the Government continues to ignore these, it is to their peril and demise. As more and more Singaporeans move into this realm, it has become harder for the Government to address issues and concerns directly. New Media allows for people to become generators of news and opinions, with few regulation. No longer do people have to go to the traditional media, which is somewhat more tempered. People vent, criticise or even support the Government online, me included.

One concern for many Government agencies in using new media is the lack of control. They have to give up some control on the outcome. But this is inevidentable. No longer are Singaporeans mindlessly taking everything in. The new generation has breed more critical, skeptical and expressive people, who do not take kindly to being controlled and no longer blindly follow whatever the Government tells them.

In my capacity as a corporate communications officer, I’m trying to see how I can help my statutory board move forward into this area. This hasn’t been an easy road, having to convince people from all levels of authority and justifying the amount of money that has to be invested into such ventures. Above all, the word CONTROL is constantly being used as an excuse not to move into this unknown territory. I am trying to convince people that the more we try and hold on to control, the faster and more painful we’ll lose it. If we gradually take risks, we can than minimise the fallout, if any.

While it has so much easier to keep quiet and not ‘rock the boat’, I’ve come to realised and accept that being a civil servant is not just about doing a job. It’s about having a vested interest and helping to sculpt my country. I’ve realised that I can’t simply complain about the Government, if I don’t do anything to help. Working in the Government might be very tough, with people being resistant to change and new ideas. And being in such a low position on the hierarchy doesn’t help either. But since I’ve been placed here, I might as well do my best, using my skills and knowledge to help wherever I can.

On that thought, do help to remind me of this when I’m having a bad day at work. :P

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07October2008

I’m Exhausted!

I’m pooped! Beyond exhausted. Drained. Collapsing, etc, etc.

I started on a 2 weeks course for my work. The course was training on how to be a good government public relations officer and it’s tiring. Everyday is packed so tight, with information being thrown at us constantly. My mind hasn’t had to process so much info so fast since I graduated from College!

Another reason why I’m mentally tired is because of some tension in the office. It’s hard to deal with. I am glad I have these 2 weeks away from the office to mull over it and come up with an action plan.

Please pray. Thanks.

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04September2008

Work Woes

Working in the Government frustrates me a lot of times. And sometimes I’m so worked up that I think of leaving and going into the private sector. They are several things that make me cringe everytime.

1. The lack of power to do anything without getting approval from 4 levels of management. Thus slowing everything down 4 times and causing me to NOT wanna come up with any ideas and just do the status quo.

2. The “cover-your-own-butt” mentality that everyone has. Everyone is scared of making a decision because no one wants to take responsibility should anything go wrong. Everyone pushes work to someone else and refuses to do more than his or her portfolio because they don’t want to get into trouble.

3. I have to ask permission before I do anything, even a tiny and insignificant thing. No power and waste of time.

4. All the paperwork, protocol and procedures. Half of my job is just writing papers for everything, even silly things. Every step in the process must be done properly and given due diligence, even steps that are redundant.  Again, wasting time.

I like things on the go, exciting events and fast actions. I prefer to have some decision-making power instead of being just a mouth-piece for others. I hate things moving at snail’s pace. I hate having to look over my shoulder every time.

It’s tough adjusting and while it’s easier to “give in” and just do the status quo and keep under the radar, I don’t want to become disillusioned. I want to make a difference, to make my mark. We’ll see how it works out.

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Works of God Weekend

It’s been a while since I did this, and I do feel bad about it, since there have been many things to thank God for over the last few weeks.

1. Thank God for my new supervisor. She’s great to work with, fun to hang out with and the sweet part is, she lives near me! So I get free rides home almost every night when her hubby comes to pick her up! WOHOO!

2. My work projects are going smoothly and one major one is almost done. I’m ready to be done with it, after all the hair-pulling and teeth-gnashing moments.

3. My grandmother’s domestic help, Annabelle, is learning to bake, and boy, I’m loving it! She’s spoiling me with all the baking goodies! Ahhh… need to exercise more before I turn into a round bun myself.

4. My doggy is becoming more disciplined and training. Now she sits and stays very well and listens to us. She now knows the tone of my voice where I’m warning her not to do something she’s tempted to do (like go through my socks and chew them up). I’m happy because its easier to enjoy her now without having to scold her so much. she still loves to nibble feet so I’m trying to break that bad habit.

5. The Lord has given me great opportunities to assist others in small ways. And boy, the Lord is really creative with the methods with which He uses through me to add joy in other people lives. I’m having fun while doing them too!

6. My gastritis is well under control. My tummy is stronger and I can eat fried and spicy foods in small dosages once in a while. It also can handle upsets a lot better, which means I’m no more wringing in pain.

The Lord has been GREAT and His grace and mercy in the little things make up a huge blessing on the larger scale.

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It’s been stressful, full of ups and downs.

One up is that I got confirmed at my work, got a pay raise and a bonus. It was a surprise and such a blessing.

One down is the whole table load of work I have to do and the stress that follows, mostly through dealing with others, namely the bosses. I’m making an effort to learn to smile during stressful times and to have a joyful and positive attitude, trusting the Lord for the outcome while doing my best.

I got a new Reporting Officer, and that’s an up and down. Down because I’m sad to see my previous RO, the one who took a chance on me, hired me and mentored me, leave. Up because my new RO is really nice and easy to approach and work with. However, I guess the most major loss I feel is having a good, faithful christian in my previous RO. It was comforting and encouraging to have a strong christian support in the workplace. Now, it’s scary being alone, with no moral support from a fellow believer.

I’m also dealing with bouts of loneliness and yearning for companionship again. It’s a battle I’ve been fighting on and off. I have to continue to trust that the Lord will bring the right person to me when it is the right time. And in the mean time, seek solace in my Heavenly Father.

So that’s me in the last month. Learning, hopefully growing.

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This is working life in Singapore. I’m sick. Very sick. And yet somehow, I’m at work. I had one day of MC, and that’s it. Oh, my boss didn’t say I had to come back to work when sick, but it’s like a unspoken rule. Unless I am close to dying or can’t move (which happened yesterday), we all have to come back to work. No wonder they give us good pay. Good $$ in exchange for my life. After all, we’re civil servants. We work till death for our country.

(Note: serious sacarsm used in this post)

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